Won’t or Can’t, Part 2: What Do You Mean They Can’t?
In Part 1, we explored the age-old question every educator, parent, and behavior specialist has asked at some point: Is it that they won’t do it, or that they can’t? Now, we’re taking a closer look at the “can’t” — because understanding what a student can’t do is the first step toward helping them learn how.
When “Can’t” Is Misunderstood
In schools, “can’t” is often mistaken for “won’t.” A student who refuses to write might look defiant, but what if they actually can’t spell phonetically? A student who never follows multi-step directions might not be ignoring you — they may struggle to process auditory information.
When we label a behavior as a choice without considering skill deficits, we risk punishing what is actually a lack of ability. “Can’t” is not about motivation — it’s about access, readiness, and skill.
Common “Can’t” Scenarios
Let’s look at what “can’t” might actually mean in real life:
“They won’t read.”
Or maybe they can’t decode words yet, and reading feels humiliating in front of peers.“They won’t follow directions.”
Or maybe they can’t retain a sequence of instructions due to working memory challenges.“They won’t sit still.”
Or maybe they can’t regulate their sensory system and movement helps them stay focused.
“They won’t turn in work.”
Or maybe they can’t organize their materials or manage time effectively without executive functioning supports.
Every “won’t” deserves to be examined for a possible “can’t.”
Skill Before Will
Before assuming a student won’t comply, perform, or participate, ask yourself:
Do they understand what’s being asked?
Do they have the skills to do it?
Have we given them tools or supports to be successful?
This mindset shift moves us from frustration to curiosity — and curiosity is the foundation of effective intervention.
Addressing the “Can’t”
Once we identify a skill gap, we can begin to teach rather than punish.
Here’s how that might look in practice:
Observe and document patterns.
What happens before the behavior? What does the student do instead?Assess the underlying skill.
Is this academic (reading, writing, math) or behavioral (self-regulation, attention, communication)?Teach explicitly.
Students can’t learn a skill they’ve never been taught — and that includes behavioral and social-emotional skills.Adjust supports.
Scaffolds, visual aids, sensory breaks, and explicit modeling go a long way in bridging the gap from “can’t” to “can.”
Changing Our Lens Changes the Outcome
When we shift our question from “Why won’t they?” to “What’s making this hard for them?”, we open the door to empathy, connection, and progress.
Recognizing a “can’t” doesn’t excuse behavior — it explains it. And once we understand the “why,” we can teach the “how.”
Final Thought
Every behavior communicates something. If we listen closely and look deeper, we can see that “can’t” moments are actually opportunities — opportunities to teach, support, and build the skills that lead to long-term success.
✨ Next up in Part 3:
We’ll unpack the “won’t” — how to address true defiance, motivation barriers, and what to do when students can but still won’t.
